


Happier

by Winchester_Babe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Dean Winchester, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Breakup, Dean Loves You, Desperate Dean, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied Dean/You, Jealous Dean, Late Night Conversations, Past Relationship(s), Protective Dean Winchester, Reckless Dean, Sacrifice, Sad with a Happy Ending, Saving People Hunting Things, Vampire Hunters, Walk Into A Bar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-12-09 05:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11662323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester_Babe/pseuds/Winchester_Babe
Summary: You and Dean were dating for a year, hunting together with the Winchesters when Dean becomes reckless and you feel its best to end the relationship. A few months post-breakup Dean sees you at a bar with a new man.*Takes place just after Dean was pulled from Hell*





	1. "Easier not Happier"

Sam’s siting on the hood of your car parked just outside of your hotel room in Milwaukee waiting for you and Dean to finish dishing it out after the three of you returned from your latest hunt. He can hear everything from outside, and thankfully you were the only ones checked into this back roads motel. 

“FUCK DEAN, COULD YOU BE MORE RECKLESS?” you shout slamming the room door behind you entering after Dean.

“I didn’t realize that ‘RECKLESS’ was saving your ass!” He yelled back pointing to you.

“I didn’t need saving Dean, we had a plan!” 

“Ya well I didn’t like it. Things started going south so I stepped in” Dean argues back taking a seat on the bed, facing you holding a towel to his right shoulder.

“So you decided to stare down the barrel of a gun and get shot, when you knew the plan full well was for me to be bait?” You ask incredulously, crossing your arms and leaning against the door.

“I’m livin’ on borrowed time anyway” he says wincing at the sting of the bullet wound “it’s better this way.”

“Ya for you maybe, but not for me or Sam that’s for fuck’n sure! You were pulled out of hell, given a second chance and what do you do? Try to waste yourself any chance you get!” Dean doesn't say anything. Minutes pass and they feel like hours as you stare at him, your eyes like daggers and your breath staggered with rage. You let out an exasperated groan and grab your duffle from the closet and start packing your belongings into it. You’ve decided this was the end of the road for you and Dean. The last few months of your relationship, Dean acted like he didn’t want to live, and that it would be easier if you lost him than if he lost you. He was ballsy and rash on hunts, no deliberate thought went into his actions and he acted like living was a chore. You knew he carried a weight on his shoulders from the guilt of his actions in hell, but this was it.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he asks you from beneath furrowed brows.

You throw the duffle over your right shoulder, “I’m done Dean.” you say stopping at the door to turn and face Dean for the last time.

“Nice…throw it all away over one fight!” he says shaking his head, refusing to meet your eyes.

“One? Everyday I have to listen to you try to sacrifice yourself for Sam and me, making botched plans just to try and save us so that you don’t have to lose us. I won’t lose you either Dean you stubborn bastard! I’m choosing to leave you because ‘its better this way’” you say angrily with air quotes. “I refuse to be your excuse Dean!” you shout, tears starting to stream down your face. “I can’t worry about you anymore, it’s too much for my heart to be with someone who tries to break it every chance he gets!”

Dean is speechless staring at you. “Y/N,” he starts, getting off the bed in an attempt to shorten the distance between the two of you, but you put your hand up “Save your breath Dean, nothing you say is going to stop me.”

He gets closer, just mere inches from your face, “I love you,” pain etched into his features. He realized he hurt you, and can’t bear to lose you.

“If you did… you wouldn’t put me through this” you say before kissing him on the cheek and opening the door.

“Stop!” Dean says grabbing your wrist in a last attempt to get you to stay, “I need you.” You can tell Dean is scared he’ll never see you again. 

You look back and frown at his desperation before saying, “Bye Dean.” and walking out the door to see Sam stand up from his sitting position on the hood of your car. You hug Sam before he asks you what’s going on. “Your idiot of a brother needs patching up, and I’m gone… for real this time Sam. He’s acting like he has a death wish, I won’t put up with that anymore.”

Sam sighs “Don’t leave Y/N. You’ll both be messes if you do this.”

“Yea, but at least we’ll all be alive. You and I both know he’ll stop at nothing to protect us Sam. I won’t have his death on my hands, especially not how he’s been lately, he isn’t the Dean I fell in love with! I promise to keep in touch with you Sam, and you do the same. Call me for anything and everything promise?” you say, hopeful that Sam will do that for you, keeping you posted on how they’ll be even if it kills you to hear how hard Dean is taking the breakup. 

“Always. And same for you ok? Please promise me you’ll be alright. I know you’re a badass hunter but be careful.”

“Ya of course. And you’ll watch out for Dean?”

“Always do” he says smiling and hugging you tight one last time. “I’m gunna miss you, you know that?”

“This is one of the hardest things I could ever do, and I don’t want to do it but I have to.” You say cringing at the thought of never seeing Dean again. 

Sam just nods at you and you toss your duffel in the back seat of the car and drive off.

\--------  
You don’t even make it 20minutes out of town when your phone rings. Fumbling to get it, your heart jumps when you see the caller ID. You debate not answering it for another three rings, but finally decide to answer. “Don’t make this harder than it already is…” you say sighing into the phone. 

“Baby turn around please” you heard desperation in his plea and it made you gulp hard, chocking back a cry.

“I can’t” is all you could manage

“At least tell me where the hell you’re going.” More sadness than anger is his voice

“I don’t know, but I’ll text you that I’m safe when I get there.”

“Y/N don’t do this”

“I have to go… ” you say closing the phone and pulling over to the side of the rode, tears blurring your vision. You sob for 15 minutes into your arms as they hug your steering wheel. You try to rationalize going back, going back to Dean, pretending it doesn't hurt you to see him act the way he does now. Willing yourself to be ok with it for a little bit longer. But you know that you can’t do that, you can’t watch as he spirals out of control, and you certainly wont be his co-pilot on that journey. You quickly disable your phone tracker, knowing Dean would high-tale it out of town if he knew you would be close by. 

\---------5 MONTHS LATER-----------

“Babe, you didn’t!” you say laughing, throwing your head back in your seat and squeezing the muscular arm of the storyteller next to you. 

“It was a dare, I had to. I was a freshman, I was trying to fit in” he laughed back, taking a swig of his beer.

“I would’ve loved to see that. College Ty? You sounded like a riot!” You say snuggling up to your boyfriend Tyler at your booth at the local bar.

“My bare ass streaking? Yea I bet you would” he chuckled, lacing his free arm around you and pulling you into a kiss. 

You pull back to ask him teasingly, “So how drunk do I have to get you to recreate that scene for me tonight?”

“I’d have to be obliterated” he says. You smile at him prompting him to eye you sceptically, “I don’t think I like the idea I just put into your head” he says teasingly.

“Alright, you continue nursing that beer and I’ll be back after I hit the ladies room with a few rounds of shots,” you say kissing him on the cheek, smiling back at Tyler chucking, as you scoot out of the booth.

Dean sees you at the bar with your new man. You are laughing and smiling wide, something he hasn’t seen you do in forever. You didn’t smile like that for Dean, he didn’t make you laugh nearly as much as you have been in the bar tonight. It feels like a punch in the gut, seeing you happier with someone else, someone who isn’t him. The thought of someone else holding you in their arms and brushing a strand of hair behind your ear before kissing you; it makes him sick to his stomach. 

Dean decides to approach you, revelling in his thoughts the last couple of months about how you two left things. You were one of the most important people in Dean’s life in the last year, right up there with Sam and Bobby. He always thought he would marry you, but when you ended things so harshly and abrupt, he lost faith that you two would ever find your way back to eachother. There is no doubt there are is love between you two still, you ended it because of how much you love Dean and not because you fell out of love. 

“Hey can I talk to you?” Dean says placing a hand at the small of your back, finding you leaning on the bar waiting to order those shots for you and Tyler.

You swallow hard, not prepared to be greeted with those green eyes you used to look into every day. It’s been 5 months since you broke up with Dean. It’s not so much something that you wanted to do as something you knew you had to. Dean still holds the biggest piece of your heart, but the life you two lead, being hunters, being around eachother and vulnerable, you just couldn’t take that risk anymore. Demons and angels alike knew Dean’s weakness was both you and Sammy, and you weren’t going to let him risk his life for you any more. The world is a much better place with Dean Winchester in it, so you refused to be the reason why that wouldn’t be. You wouldn't survive watching him die, witnessing Sam pick up the pieces and spiral out of control. Yes, it was selfish and you willingly admit it, that the reason you broke up with Dean was for that reason. You wanted easy, something safe and that wasn’t in the arms of Dean even though you so desperately wish to this day that it was. He was comfort and familiar but you were poison for him and he was too stubborn to admit that you were right in ending things. “Dean I’m here with someone” you say looking back at the booth where you left Tyler.

“15 minutes and I’m outta your hair” he says raising his hands innocently.

“Alright” you say and signal to Tyler that you’ll be right back. “Lets talk outside” you say to Dean as he follows you out of the bar. Tyler was a great guy, he was tall dark and handsome, well built, worked an office job and above everything he trusted you, wouldn't question you on where you went, he didn't ask much. He was genuine and took a liking to you, even though you weren’t around much because of work. Tyler doesn't know you're a hunter, he doesn’t know what evil lurks in the dark but you wanted it that way. You would protect him should something come for you and you would pretend to be a truck driver to explain why you were away for weeks on end and in different parts of the country. He bought it and you were content with a variation of normalcy for once in your life.


	2. “Because Dean… what choice do I have?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean pulls you outside to talk after 5 months apart, and sees how you've moved on.

Dean follows you out of the bar:

“Looks like you’re doing well” he says offering a small but genuine smile.

Pftt you internally huff. “Why because I’m hear with someone?”

“Your boyfriend? What’s his name?”

“Tyler.”

“How longer after us did you two meet?”

“You don’t really want to know Dean” you say crossing your arms. You know that it’s just going to hurt him to hear about it. He stays silent looking at you waiting for your answer. “Abouta’ month” you finally blurt out. 

Dean nods disappointingly. “Back in the saddle again huh? I would’a thought you’d at least mourn our relationship with meaningless sex first.” He joked while taking a seat on the hood of the impala.

“I did.” Dean didn’t want to know that either. You could tell when he sucked in a quick breath at your response. ”but turns out I’m not as good at one-nighters as the famous Dean Winchester” you say patting him on the chest with a smirk.

“Oh I don’t know about that. Your one-night-stand skillset is how we got started,” Dean says remembering your first encounter. 

“Touché” you reply smiling at the memory yourself. “I’m sure your game is as good as I remember” you say it like a question.

Dean shakes his head, “I’m not looking.”

You are dumbfounded and he can hear it in your voice, “Dean Winchester? No way, don’t by that for a second.”

“I… I just don't see much of a point to it anymore.” He says looking down at his hands, not wanting to see your shocked expression again.

He was right. Your expression is more along the lines of what the fuck is wrong with you? “Okay…who are you and what the hell have you done with Dean?” 

Dean looks at you, his eyes serious “I want it to be you, and since it’s not… I ugh… they aren’t you Y/N.” 

You instantly frown, you know he’s hurting, you did that to him, but seriously Dean not having sex? He’s worse off than you thought. You also find it bizarre that the two of you are talking like you left things off on good terms, acting like old friends. “So you’re hand has been your best friend for the past few months?” you joke sceptically.

“Yea, I guess you could say that” he laughs back. You two remain silent for a moment, and it isn't uncomfortable, silence between you two was never awkward, you felt at ease with Dean. “So..” he continues, prying this time “This guy of yours, he a hunter?”

“No, but I’ll protect him if anything comes our way,” you say knowing you just opened up a can of worms. Let the argument commence you think to yourself.

“Oh that's rich, that's what I used to say to you remember?” Dean snaps, annoyance laced in his tone.

“It’s different Dean!” your rebuttal.

“How so?”

“Because we’re in that life and he isn’t. He doesn't know about it.”

“Yea, that's healthy” he says sarcastically.

“A lot healthier than us. I was your weakness, I refused to be the reason you died Dean.”

“Superman’s weakness was kryptonite, but it didn’t stop him from living his life and doing things for the greater good.” 

“You really just compared yourself to Clark Kent?” you ask with a mocking chuckle.

“The point is, it’s not the same” he says pausing to licking his lips, “I’m not the same without you. But then I see you here tonight, happier than you ever were with me. I want that for you, for you to be happy. But I can’t help but wish it was me you were happier with.”

“I was…” you say resting a hand on Dean’s shoulder, “happy with you I mean. But living the life we live Dean, happiness isn’t possible. We don’t have that luxury. Every day was a struggle, something was always after us, hell… even the devil himself and you countless times risked it all for Sam and me. You’re so reckless when it comes to me and your family.”

“You know I’d do it over the same way every time Y/N.”

“That's just it Dean” you say joining Dean in his sitting position on the hood of the impala. “It’s like you really wanted me to know what it would feel like to loose you.”

“It happened anyway” he says weakly side glancing at you, “You ended it.”

“At least this way, I know your alive and you only have Sam to worry about.”

“Sweetheart, I still worry about you.”

“Don’t. I can take care of myself, you know that.”

“Not as well as I could.”

“It’s just easier this way Dean, not necessarily happier, but definitely easier.” The minute it came out of your mouth, you knew how awful that sounded. You really did care for Tyler, but he would never be Dean.

Giving you a judging glance Dean says, “You mean to tell me you’re just with that sorry bastard because it’s easier?”

“Oh right… and you’re one to judge Dean, when you did the same to Lisa and Ben! Don’t you dare act self-righteous with me, you didn't want to start anything with them, allow them to get hurt if you were around!”

“Y/N it’s different” he says defensively. 

“Bullshit it is!”

“It is! WE are in this life, we grew up raised knowing that monsters exist, they weren’t its not the same! We know what the life is like, the risks involved. Every FUCKING day, day in and out we hunt, we hurt and we still live some kind of a life.”

“You did the EXACT thing I’m doing to you. I’m saving you from getting hurt at my expense because you are vulnerable with me around. I don’t want your blood on my hands. What do you not understand about that?”

He shakes his head fuming but tries to talk to you reasonably, “I don’t understand how you could be so selfish and selfless at the same time. Giving up on us because it’s easier for you, not to get close enough to someone to watch them get hurt. But also giving up on being happy and settling for a guy who packs his lunch in a paper bag and wears a suit to work. We used to make fun of those guys”

“Because Dean… what choice do I have?” you say exasperated, your arms coming to your sides as you shrug your shoulders. “You were trying to off yourself all the time, I couldn’t stand to be around to watch that happen, for you to actually succeed. This world needs you more than you realize Dean, maybe even more than I do. ” You bite your lower lip, unsure why you said that last bit. It was a low dig, and you didn't mean it to come off that way.

“That ‘greater purpose’ line is weak.” he laughed standing up and facing you. “You might not need me…but I still need you.”

“Dean,” you say grabbing at the edges of his leather jacket, pulling him to stand before you, between your legs, getting his full attention, “You know that's not how I meant it.”

“Then explain it to me, why you left” he said tilting his head down.

“..You know why,” your voice straining not wanting to bring up the supressed feelings for Dean. The feelings you cried over for months even after meeting Tyler, you still have a hole in your heart, a longing to be with Dean. You know its awful, to be with someone but not being fully emotionally available. A part of you knew that you would always be holding out for Dean, but you forced yourself to get over him, or at least try to.

“You left, because you were scared of loosing me…but you chose to loose me. Do you realize how twisted that is? But then… then I see you here tonight, and I don't know, I thought…I need you, and took it as a sign. I needed to talk to you, about us,” Dean says resting his hands on either side of your face forcing you’re head up to look him in the eyes as you spoke.

“No. Dean, I can’t. Because you, you pull me back in, I can’t…I… love you and I can’t… I can’t do this again Dean. Watch you, watch you get hurt at my expense, sacrifice yourself for me. And I…I know you can’t promise me that you won’t do that.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t. I can’t lose you, not again. But, you have Tyler now, and I know its too late for me to change your mind, so I’ll let go and let you decide” Dean says, kissing you on the head and stepping back to allow you off the car.

“Ugh” you groan sliding off the hood of the Impala, “You can’t just show up out of the blue, and… and tell me all of this.”

“It’s nothing you didn’t already know sweetheart.” Dean’s lip twitches into a frown.

You frown too, “I better get back” you sigh, starting to walk backwards slowly back to the bar staring at Dean, “So this is where we leave it huh?”

“Balls in your court, you know how I feel” Dean pushes.

“And you know how I feel..” you say defeated, continually walking “But..I can’t” you manage to say before turning around and walking into the bar.  
Dean sees you slide back into your seat beside Tyler through the window. He sees how much he cares about you, worry pressed into his features, but he doesn’t question you, he just rubs your back and pulls you into a sweet kiss. Dean kicks some gravel on the ground and drives away.

\-------

Ty took you back to his place; it was a lot nicer than the one bedroom apartment you had been renting in the dingy part of town. You wanted something cheap and noncommittal and you found just that through an ad on craigslist. Truthfully speaking, you never really stayed at your apartment over the past few months that you called Nebraska your home. You were either staying over at Ty’s house or on a hunt somewhere.

You hear the buzz of your cell phone, waking you at 2:56am. You scramble reaching around for your cell trying to get to it quickly before it wakes up Tyler. You finally grab it, squint at the brightly lit screen and curse “Dammit Dean” before you pick up the phone to answer the call in the hallway, out of earshot from Tyler. 

“Hey I know it’s late, but I could really use your help on this hunt.”


	3. “Was seeing me tonight too soon?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to upload something! I've been super busy, but I promise I will have the last chapter up in the next week :)

Dean would only call you in the middle of the night if he needed your help, you knew that, but seeing him today made you question if that was truly the reason he was calling you.

“Uh seriously? Where’s Sam?”

“He’s a…..he’s kinda in the middle of getting laid and making some questionable noises in the other room.” He chuckles.

“Perfect timing for him to be getting off” you say rolling your eyes. You knew Sam deserved it, but his timing was impeccable. 

“So you in or not?” Dean says getting straight to the point.

“Since when does ‘Dean Winchester’ ask for help on a vamp hunt?”

“Since there’s a nest of about 12 of them. But how’d…” Dean questions before you cut him off.

“I haven’t been a sitting duck Dean. I’ve been hunting and researching, especially when something comes up where I live.”

“You gunna beat me to the hunt like you did in Missouri? That Lamia case had your name written all over it.”

“Yea, well I could’a used some help on that one.” You chuckle.

“You know my number, you could’a called” Dean says back saddened that you didn’t. 

“It was too soon after.” You say hesitantly.

“Was seeing me tonight too soon?” He asks nervously.

“Probably..” you say taking a deep breath.

“Y/N, if its too hard..” he says before you cut him off

“Of course its hard Dean, but you need my help. I’ll text you the address.” You say quickly before hanging up. You didn't want to get into all the emotional mumbo jumbo with Dean over the phone, and quite frankly, it was way too early for you to be in the right state of mind for that kind of conversation. You shoot Dean a text of Ty’s address so that he can swing by to pick you up and you begin to change out of your pj’s. You grab your overnight duffle bag and are zipping it closed when you see Tyler appear before you.  
“Y/N? What are you doing up? Its past 3” Ty questions rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Ty, I didn't mean to wake you, I’ll be back in a few hours” you say grabbing your leather jacket.

“You’re going to see him aren’t you? That guy from the bar.”

“It's not like that. Don’t get the wrong idea.” You say slowly.

“Well then why don’t you explain to me why my girlfriend is on the phone answering a booty call when I’m asleep in the next room!” He says crossing his arms leaning against the doorframe. You and Tyler had never fought, but now is a good a time as any. You had never seen this side of him, but he was still calm even though he was furious.

“Tyler Stop! He’s my friend and he needs my help.”

“Y/N so help me God, you walk out that door and we’re through.”

“Tyler you don't understand” you say before he interrupts you, “I understand full well how you two looked at each other tonight. He’s an ex isn't he?”

“Ty…”

“Isn’t he?”

You swallow hard “Yea, but that’s not why.”

“Just go.”

“So that's it?” 

“I wont be with somebody who looks at me wishing I was someone else.” 

“Where is all of this coming from?” you question, a single tear running down your right cheek.

“Tonight…I think I saw clearly for the first time that I’m not really who you want.” He stops to take a deep breath, before continuing, “Plus… you talk about a Dean in your sleep, and I put two and two together.” He says a lot more calm, like he’s already come to terms with your break up.

You are both dumbfounded and speechless that you are being broken up with because of a phone call. Okay, fine, it wasn’t just the phone call; it was a myriad of things. You weren’t very open with Tyler about much, and you just assumed he didn’t care but he did. He was both jealous and protective of you when he saw the way Dean looked at you, and he saw your interactions on the hood of the impala. You thought they were innocent enough, but Tyler was right, even a stranger could tell that between you and Dean, there was history. It was obvious in the way you looked at one another and how fluid your bodies moved around each other that there were still feelings there. So could you really blame him for breaking up with you when you never really gave him a reason to trust you and you never gave him a reason to think that you could love him? Lets make one thing clear, you’re not an awful person. You have many admirable qualities but you just treated Tyler like crap because you couldn't give him your heart and you couldn’t tell him the real reason you were going off to see Dean tonight. You don't know what to say to Tyler. Nothing you can say will make things right, so you settle for a mumbled “I’m sorry” grab your bag and head out the front door. 

Dean was pulling up just in time to see Tyler standing in the doorway to see you off, his hands folded across his chest with a less than impressed expression plastered across his face. You throw your bag in the back seat of baby and climb into the front seat next to Dean. He turns to face you before asking, “What’s up with prince charming?” referring to Tyler’s scowled look.

“We broke up… Just drive please” you urge, trying to get off the topic. 

Dean shifts into drive after pulling out of the driveway and heads in the direction of the nest. You’ve been driving in silence for only 5 minutes and you knew Dean would ask you about Tyler, but you just didn't want to deal with it at the moment. In an attempt to completely distance yourself from that inevitable conversation, you reach for the radio nob, and scan the stations for some classic rock that would appease you both. Dean stops your hand with his. You quickly move your hand away as he lowers the volume, hearing Pink Floyd’s Breathe fade into the background.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” he probes

“Does it really matter? “ you grunt, looking at him, the moon and headlights illuminating Dean’s profile.

“Yeah..it does” he says shooting you a glance.

“Uhhh,” you moan, not wanting to relive it for the second time tonight. “Fine,” you say, wetting your lips. “When you called tonight, and I told Tyler I was heading out for a few hours, he knew I was leaving to see you.” You look at Dean and see his hand tighten on the wheel. “Well actually, he assumed I was answering a booty call and said that he knew you were an ex of mine."

“How?” Dean asks glancing over at you again, your attention focused on the dark road you two were driving down.

“He said he could tell we had unfinished business because of how we looked at each other… and our exchange in the parking lot. I’ve seen him be a lot of things, but angry… never until tonight.”

“He’s an idiot!” Dean blurts out.

“Well he isn’t the only one. I’m going off on a vamp hunt at 4am.” You mock.

Dean throws you a cocky smile before giving your thigh a reassuring squeeze. “Ya well…to me you’re perfect.”

“You and I both know that's not true.” You say as Dean pulls into a wooded area to park just outside of the nest.

“You may have dumped me, and you are stubborn as all hell, but you’re pretty damn close to perfect” he says shifting in his seat, angling his body to face you.

You sigh, “evidentially not perfect enough to hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. You know what he said to me tonight? He didn't want to be with someone who wishes he was someone else.”

“Like I said, he’s an idiot. You wouldn’t do that” he says confidently.

“I think…I don’t know, maybe I did Dean. Breaking up with you was the last thing I wanted to do, and maybe I didn’t give Tyler a fair shot. He deserved better, and more from me. My heart was still…still with you, and probably always will be.” 

“What are you saying?” Dean asks trying to read your expression.

You look at your watch and see that it’s already 5am and the sun is starting to rise. “All I’m saying is let’s go kick some ass and we’ll finish this conversation later.”

“No, no lets talk about his now we have a couple more minutes.”

“What the hell are you talking about? The suns starting to come up and walking around in daylight with machetes isn’t…” You stop talking as you see Sam pull up behind you. You shoot Dean an, ‘I swear to God if you lied to me look’ and he jumped right out of the car with you to greet Sam.

“Sam!!” you squeal as you run and jump onto him, wrapping your legs around his waist and hugging him. Sam squeezes you hard and holds you to him for a few moments before pulling back and looking at you at eye level, “Y/N! It’s good to see you.”

“You too Sammy, I just didn’t expect to see you.” you say with a huge grin. You pat him on the chest to lower you to the ground and say, ”I heard you’ve had an eventful night?”

Sam looks at you confused, “What do you mean?”

“Your brother” you start, looking back to Dean and glaring at him “said you were too busy getting laid to help tonight.  
Sam lets out a “Huh” as to say of course Dean would say that.

“So either Dean lied, or the sex was crap. Personally I’m hoping it's the later, no offense Sam.” 

“For my brothers sake I wish I was having awful sex tonight.”

You just nod and walk over to the trunk of the impala, grabbing a machete.

“Why for my sake?” Dean asks puzzled.

"Because, that would mean you aren’t an asshole” you answer with an annoyed undertone.

“Hey” Dean says putting his hands up in defense, “believing Sam was getting laid was your first mistake” Dean laughed before grabbing two more machetes for himself and Sam.

Sam rolls his eyes.

“Yea, and I guess trusting you again was my second” you say storming off towards the nest.

“Y/N! Common” Dean yells after you.

“Dude” Sam says walking past Dean “How many times are you gunna screw this up?”

“Shut up Sam!” he grunts as they boys hurry after you.


	4. "We’ll talk about this later.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finish the hunt with the boys and ask Dean back to your apartment to talk.

To say you had a plan when you busted through the front doors of the nest would be a lie. Just fitting with the theme of the night it seemed. An outsider would say you were rash, but you’d taken down enough nests with the boys to know Sam would come through the back door and Dean would manage to get through a window on the second floor. This house was small, but the number of vamps was more than you had bargained for, there were more like 20 vamps on your hands. You cleared the foyer, kitchen and living room no problem, dancing around with each swing landing perfect, blood splattering and heads rolling. All of your movements were fluid, Sam had your back when you took out a vamp, and he ducked when you swung to get one behind him. It was as if no time had passed, you were so accustomed to working with the Winchesters. Swing, duck, kick, swing, it appeared effortless, the way you took down monsters. Dean stopped at the grand staircase to watch you decapitate another, mesmerised by the subtle sway of your hips when you took one down. You wiped the blood-covered blade on your sleeve before ascending the stairs. “DEAN, MOVE” you yell seeing a vamp come up behind Dean. He had barely gotten out of the way when you swung your machete, decapitating the bloodsucker. 

You point your machetemachete at Dean, “If you’d stopped drooling you might have been able to defend yourself.”

Dean smirks. “You know I love watching you fight.”

You give him a ‘give me a break look’.

“What? I do” he says in defense, “but I get it…I should be more careful. I’m sorry.”

“There’s a lot more you should be sorry for. This is exactly why I left, you’re just as careless as before” you say frowning.

“I know it looks that way Y/N, but I promise I’m not” Dean says pleading with you before you hear Sam shout from downstairs, “Clear?”

“Yup” you yell back before turning to Dean “We’ll talk about this later.”

\-------  
You’d stopped for breakfast before Dean dropped Sam off at the motel, and took you back to your apartment. “You gunna come in so we can talk about everything?”

“Yea…we should” he says offering a weak smile.

Dean follows you up the stairs to the third floor of your grungy barely lived in apartment. You throw your keys down on the nightstand and shrug off your leather jacket.

“Huh, now I know why you dated that guy. His place was a lot nicer than yours.”

“Funny” you smile, reaching into the cupboard and pulling out two glasses and a half drunken bottle of whiskey (hey its 5 o’clock somewhere). Pouring some of the amber liquid into both glasses, you hand one over to Dean whose leaning against your fridge as you pull yourself up onto your counter, sitting with your feet dangling over the edge. You take a sip of whiskey, hold the cup to your lap and start things off, “So…you lie to me, and you also tell me you’ve changed?”

Dean lets out a huff before he speaks, “alright we’re diving right into it” he rubs his hand down his face and clears his throat “I thought about you every day for the past 4 months. And then I see you last night in some random bar, in a random city and I… seeing you with someone else made me jealous. And I don't wanna be that guy, I’ve never been that guy. I think I just wanted to remember what it felt like for a night to have you with us, on a hunt like we used to, as if nothing changed, so I lied to get you to come.”

“I would have come because you asked, regardless of why, you didn't have to lie to me.”

Dean takes a gulp of whiskey, “I know. I’m sorry” he says staring down at his feet like a child being scolded

“And what was tonight all about?” you press.

Dean looks at you smiling, “Turns out I need you around to save me”

“I’m too much of a distraction to you, that's why you needed saving. The old Dean, the Dean I fell for…wasn’t so careless.”

“I’m still that same guy”

“But your not, that's why I left. You don't have to be everyone’s hero.” You say reaching for Dean’s face and resting your hand on his cheek, thumbing at the stubble.

“You were supposed to love me, through this whole mess. Through my fucked up thoughts, my willingness to throw it all away, I wanted…I needed you around. Y/N, when you left, Jesus… that hurt. And it hurt more knowing that I made you,” Dean says, coming to stand before you, putting his hands on your thighs.

“I did…Well I do love you Dean. I love you more than I thought I could ever love you. You’re an asshole day in and day out and I still loved you even when you pushed me away, pushed me to leave. You needed me, but I needed you to stop giving up, and to act like your life has purpose. You can’t ask me to save someone who doesn't want to be saved” You say, a single tear running down your left cheek.

Dean holds your face in his hands, forcing you to look into his beautiful emerald green eyes “And you can’t expect me to just let you walk out of my life again. I don't know how, but I’m going to convince you that I’ve changed, and that I’m still the man you fell in love with. ”

“Dean…I don’t know..” you say hesitantly.

“You don’t know what? If us being together again is a good idea?” he asks interrupting you, his voice stern and eyes focused on the worry lines etched into your forehead.

“Yea” you say weakly trying not to look at him. “Every part of me, everything except for my head is saying ‘Go for it, you’ll never truly be happy with anyone else.’ But my head…my head is reminding me that my heart wont be able to handle this again.” 

Dean pulls you in for a hug and rests his chin on the top of your head as he rubs your back. You close your eyes and take in his smell, the feel of his leather jacket pressing against your arms, his scruff tickling the top of your head and the of his heartbeat. This was him…the only man you’re sure you’ll always love, who’ll fight for you, with you and alongside you because he is crazy about you too. You know he is all you need to be happy and heartbroken all at once. It’s no secret that heartache and pain follow the Winchesters, but you weren’t sure if this was something you could commit to, until now. Being without him the last few months, forcing yourself to date someone else to get over him made you realize how rare the relationship you had with Dean was. Did it always work? No but like any relationship; aside from the hunting monsters part, you have to make sacrifices, fight for what you believe in and love the other with your whole heart. You both had that down. 

Dean breaks up the comfortable silence “Y/N listen, if you need time you have it. Just please come back to living with us, even if that means me and you are done for good. I just can’t not have you around.” You could hear an undertone of fear in his voice. You knew he wanted to be together but he was willing to be miserable just as long as it meant having you close. 

You pull your head out from under his chin and rest your forehead against his, sighing into him. "I never wanted this for us you know? you say softly.

“Hmm what’s that?” Dean asks, painfully aware how close you are to each other.

“Lying to each other and being apart, not talking for as long as we have. I don't want to do that anymore. It’s not us.” 

Dean breathes out his response slowly, wanting to keep you this close for just a little bit longer,” Your right…..and I’m sorry.”

“Yah…me too…” you breathe, not wanting to lose contact from Dean. The smell of whiskey, musk and leather; Dean’s signature scent, becomes more apparent as you linger here with your bodies aching for more contact. “Dean?” you whisper, feeling his body tense as you question him. You chew on your lower lip debating your next move and waiting for Dean to respond. 

“Yeah?” he forces himself to speak, huffing out a reply, his voice weary of what you’ll say.

You use this closeness as an excuse to lean in to the right and kiss Dean. You softly peck his full lips, and wait for his lips to move against yours as a sign that you’re good to keep going. Dean slowly presses his lips against yours. You gently brush your tongue against his bottom lip asking for permission; Dean grants you access as your tongues glide against each other in a rhythm they’d been accustomed to. Your left hand lightly scratches the hair on the back of Dean’s head as your lips continue to work on tasting each other.

Dean pulls away quickly, “You know if you kiss me again, I wont be able to stop” he says breathy.

“I don't want you to” you say, your hands on either side of his face and looking from his emerald eyes as they darken to his plush lips and you pull him in for another kiss. 

“Y/N… I want more than just tonight” he says, the corners of his eyes crinkle, as he focuses on you, bracing himself for a negative response.

“Me too” you reply biting your lower lip.


End file.
